Polyamorous DJ devastated at suggestion he has only one girlfriend

A polyamorous DJ has decided to speak out after being wrongfully accused one too many times of having “just one girlfriend”.

DJ Sasquatch X says he finally decided to make himself heard after insensitive comments spoiled what would otherwise have been “a bangin’ party”.

“I was standing there at the bar, getting ready for my set, with my arms around two very good looking female companions. One of them left to grab a drink, so I was alone with the other. It was only for a minute, but someone then came up to me and started a conversation. That’s when I was asked if the beautiful lady by my side was my girlfriend,” says DJ Sasquatch X.

“Now, when someone asks “is that your girlfriend?” they’re making some pretty strong assumptions. If I don’t say anything they might leave the conversation thinking I wasn’t here with multiple gorgeous women,” he says. “So, I find myself in this strange situation where I have to constantly tell people that “it’s girlfriends”.

“I used to just ignore it but it’s gotten really bad lately. So that’s why I decided to speak up. If you keep quiet, people are going to blindly assume you’re with just one partner.”

Despite the frustration, DJ Sasquatch X says he doesn’t begrudge people who assume he has “just one girlfriend” because he realises that monogamous non-DJs were usually brought up differently. He acknowledges that it’s not out of malice that people make assumptions and he believes the key is education.

Pic: divorcecourt.com

“I used to get really angry about it but I’ve learnt over the years that the best thing to do is to remain calm and explain things rationally. That usually gets the point across,” he says.

Even so, he admits that it can still get a bit much on some days.

“It usually happens when I’m DJing in the booth and only one of my many super-hot female partners is standing next to me. That’s when I find myself having to constantly explain to people that no, I’m not monogamous, I’ve actually got more than one girlfriend, it’s just that the other one is probably at the bar or something. Nights like that can get really tiring and it’s in those moments that I wish monogamous non-DJs were more considerate.”

Not one to concede defeat, DJ Sasquatch X says he still believes he can change the way people think. His latest strategy, he reveals, is to spread his message via social media.

“Like so many great ideas, the social media thing started by accident. I was at this house party and someone took a photo of me standing with my arms around several of my partners. It went on Facebook and got an amazing response. That’s when I realised, hang on a second, I’m onto something here,” he says

“Likes and comments just went through the roof. Here was a photo of me with my arms around three or four exceptionally attractive and alluringly dressed young women. I thought, wow, maybe I’ve finally found a way for everyone to finally see that I’m a guy who has multiple partners.”

Unfortunately, concedes DJ Sasquatch X, his message didn’t reach as many people as he first thought. Although his message was viewed by thousands of people, most of the responses turned out to be from other non-monogamous DJs.

“While I was hoping for a wider response, it’s comforting to at least know that there are people who support me morally,” he says. “Even if they don’t share or comment on my photo, it’s enough to know that they saw me with two or more pretty young women. That really warms my heart. It’s what gets me out of bed every morning.”

Yes, this article is satirical. It is not real.