Narcotics dealers have slammed the organisers of a major outdoor bush doof festival after the event was cancelled just one day before it was due to begin.
A joint-statement by several illegal drug suppliers who had planned to attend the event said the organisers need to be held accountable for the fiasco. The narcotics traffickers said they were dismayed by the way the event was mishandled, citing as an example widely circulated reports that claimed basic permits required to host the event had not been obtained from the local council.
Stranded: illegal drug suppliers who stocked up for a major bush doof that was cancelled at the last moment don't know what to do with their surplus narcotics. "What am I going to do with a commercial quantity of ice?" said one dismayed dealer. "It’s not going to smoke itself now, is it?"
“The behaviour of the organisers is a disgrace,” said one well-known narcotics supplier, who threatened to shoot us if we revealed his identity.
“You think getting a simple permit from the council is hard? Mate, try organising a commercial quantity of illicit drugs. You can’t even begin to imagine how much time and effort is required to source, conceal and distribute a festival’s worth of pingers. And yet the organisers want us to believe they couldn’t organise a simple fire plan and a phone call to a toilet rental company? What a joke!”
The anonymous criminal added that the event’s cancellation had forced him to reconsider his plans for the year.
“I really feel for the shops and accommodation in the closest town. A significant part of their annual income depended on this one event. Like me, they stocked up specifically for it, but now they’ve been left stranded. What am I going to do with a commercial quantity of ice? It’s not going to smoke itself now, is it?”
One festival regular, Jane Schiocatta, said regular bush doof attendees were disappointed with the last-minute cancellation.
“Yeah man, it’s sad that it was cancelled at the last moment,” she said.
“It’s a long time to wait for big bush doofs between Australia Day and Easter. This festival would normally break things up a bit but its cancellation has really thrown a spanner in the works. I guess festival-goers will have to wait a bit longer to get incredibly high for four days with 8000 other people in an outback cow paddock.”
Schiocatta added that art and performances are another draw card for the festival.“Oh, and there’s like some kind of art shit that gets done at this thing too. I think, anyway. I’m usually so munted I can’t remember.”
Yes this story is satirical. It is not true.